Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize