did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
