I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
