He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
