remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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