I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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