So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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