Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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