i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
