I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
