Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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