Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize