I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
