gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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