OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
