you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
