the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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