we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
