My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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