just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
