if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize