Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
