in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize