now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
