I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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