Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
