you have to choose: penises or morals?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
