We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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