so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
