i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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