actually, I'm a sock model
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
did i just pee glitter
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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