when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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