the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
