You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found the puke drawer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
