2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
