Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
