I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
