I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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