i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
