At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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