i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
