Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so much tequila, so little girl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
