you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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