This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
