i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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