Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
