you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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