Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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