went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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