She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
