Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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