He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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