i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
