I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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