Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize