she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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