I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
