My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we made out on top of his cat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
