i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
