then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
