How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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