i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
