I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
