I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
