Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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