So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
