piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
