he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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