My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
