Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk is not a location!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize