My sheets look like a crime scene.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
