i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
