I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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