that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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