mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want nice things and good sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
