This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
