haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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