I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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