I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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