I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
