this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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