someone threw a dead crab at me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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