I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
