And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's not a foreskin expert like you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
