Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
