i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
