I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
