uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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