I can tuck mytits in my pants
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
