she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
