i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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