my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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