This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
