I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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